Talking to Strangers

On a recent cloudy Saturday afternoon in a local park, a woman walking for exercise paused to chat. She told me she is raising her grandson, and she was waiting for him to finish a music lesson. We spoke of music; I don't remember what I told her of myself, except that I was conducting a social experiment.

I had set up a sign on a picnic table inviting strangers to stop for a cookie and friendly conversation. I felt sure we could easily uncover our shared interests. I hoped this would be true even if we found ourselves on different sides of the political spectrum. This experiment is a work in progress, so on this first attempt, I didn't inquire about politics. I just called out hello if anyone looked my way—and hoped no one would call 911.  

A young man walking a large fit-looking dog stopped and took a granola bar; I suspected he was just trying to be polite. He seemed confused about what I was trying to do, but he asked questions and was open to listening. Isn't that all we really need to do for each other right now?

In trying to imagine someone who agrees with the current path our government is on—closed borders and sky-high tariffs, for example, I wonder what influences and pressures shape their thinking. In my own life, I know I have the space to make choices that aren't accessible to everyone—like writing this blog for instance.

So what is life like for someone having trouble providing for their family in an economically depressed community? I also want to ask the questions and listen. Maybe some are running hard to make ends meet and don't have the bandwidth to investigate why a person from another race or country might also deserve a helping hand.

When I conceived of this experiment, I did think I'd try to bring people together who belonged to different political parties, but a republican friend couldn't make it that day. I figured that at least I do know how to talk to strangers. So, there I was sitting in the park under threatening skies with plates of cookies and granola bars; I wasn't alone for long.

One clean-cut man in a Grateful Dead t-shirt, also walking his dog, hung out for a while. Dogs are great conversation starters! He told me about his second community in Asheville, NC. He said that people there are so friendly that talking to strangers is just normal. He needs to allow extra time on his walks because he generally ends up having extended conversations.

And a man I'd met years ago at the Philadelphia Argentine Tango Festival also joined. He had driven out of his way to come by and show support. Even as it began to rain, we continued talking, mostly about what I'm trying to do and why there's a need for it.

We agreed that in the world beyond our picnic table, many of our leaders are actively trying to drive us apart by focusing only on areas of disagreement. While it may be apparent I'm not a fan of the current administration, I don’t want to demonize folks. Sure, I work to help my preferred candidates win, but as I watch the political anger escalate tensions, I wonder where it's taking us.

In school, I often told my students, you can say someone's done something that's not good, but that's not the only thing there is to know about them. So let's connect around our shared interests. Most of us love our children, love a walk on a fine day, and love dogs! ... and other animals.

We may be shaped by what we hear echoing off the walls of our silos, but wouldn't it be better if we could get back to that old idea that we should treat others as we ourselves wish to be treated?

When one of my new acquaintances said goodbye on that rainy Saturday, he thanked me for providing a public service. That encouraged me to keep trying. But I need help, so if you have thoughts on how to create a space where we can talk beyond our silos, please share in the comments below!